Author: PrettyPiscean

We have come across a long way from the way one perceives relationships. The needs changed, priorities changed, requirements changed, the medium of match making changed and so on.

There was a mythological era where the royals used to have ‘Swayambar’ in order to get their daughters married. This would be a gathering of suitors, where each of them would demonstrate their skill set in order to woo the bride. When the bride used to choose one of the suitors present in the court, then with her father’s permission the wedding used to take place bringing the bride home with honor. Here, the word honor played a huge role. Along with the word of honor, the blessing from parents were also important. We have seen the fall of dynasties when the words of commitment were broken only leading to a war or destruction.

Ram Rajya where Lord Ram left his kingdom and throne in order to keep his father’s promise. On the other hand, we had Draupadi, who had to accept 5 men as her husbands in order to keep Kunti’s word.

The super beings then moved on and humans began to evolve from the apes. We evolved into a different species with each generation in passing. Knowing and reading the stories of how things used to be, the traditions followed. Woo the girl, then take the father’s permission and get the bride home with respect and make sure to protect her honor till the last breath. This too was followed until the mankind came to the 80s & 90s.

This was a different decade where every parent thought that their children do not have brains and started fixing things as per their social status. There was also a flip side to this, the younger generation however had discovered the existence of hormones. While the elder tried to make business deals out of marriage, the younger ones fell in love with someone exactly opposite to them and eloped.

There was another side to this decade where we actually had one irritating loud pitched aunty telling us the kids now have become of age and they also have someone in mind for them. This is something thing we can also watch on Netflix. You can cringe all you want but the series ‘Indian Matchmaking’ has hit a nerve here.

This generation was either completely loud and committed where two people were in love and had equal say. The other side was the submissive wife to a husband where she was expected to be non-existent. So, the equality and respect were quite conditional in this decade.

The previous generation showed us the submissive side of relationships. I will not say that this was the case of every couple, but most of them had patriarchal roots in it.

Now we have a set of new millennial’s who love being alone. We neither have an opinion nor we try to give an opinion about the people around us. We recognize the need for companionship yet we keep swiping on the dating sites. We are now a confused generation who fears dying alone, yet even more scared to let someone into our homes. We watch, flirt, talk, sing, dance and sleep. The new day begins with the routine and the next weekend, the hunt begins again. This is fairly a routine. Fear won, confusion won, but we lost. Our heart wants someone, but the mind reminds us of freedom. So, we now prefer to swipe left and right, only trying to find one who is right.

Our generation has no time and patience to be in a relationship. We do not know how to fix the broken. Get a new one to replace the broken is the only thing we understand. In this entire charade, we forgot that we are all evolving humans. We change a little every day. Someone we swiped right on the dating apps might not be right for us. The right partner is never right, we grow together being right for each other. Here, we change and adapt for each other. People might call it using a harsher term ‘Compromise’. But is it really a compromise? Or it is an adjustment for our own mental peace.

I had a discussion with someone saying that someone who is on the dating apps is not looking for a relation and hence giving time to someone on these apps is pointless. But my argument was how is this site different from the matrimonial sites? Not always do we have to hook up for physical needs. Don’t we all need someone who has the same intellectual wavelength with whom we can share ideas or feelings. Or maybe, find a go to person, with whom we can be completely honest and yet not be feared for being judged. Just find that one person who matches our madness.

Let us not swipe people with a set of expectations. What if you met them for a hook-up but turned out that they are really funny? Why ruin the thing with only one possibility? Can’t we just find a flow and then decide the hard stop for us? What if something which we might cringe about is something the other one can easily change or not do around us. What if they never even realized a habit they had until we told them about it? They can stop and find something else to do if they care enough. I am sure they can, and they will.

This one time let us meet for another couple of weekends and then decide if we are to call it quits on the ongoing game. The only thing which we make our currently bleak looking future quite colorful is hope. Let us hang on it and making plans for the same. In this, unknowingly, we look forward hearing from the same person repeatedly.

Some might ask, what If they do not comeback. Well, remember the weekend, when we were going to go to the app to try again!!!! We get back to the search again.

The title itself might give you an idea of the article, isn’t it? A few questions before I move ahead with what I wish to share. Relationships, easier written than worked upon isn’t it? Are Relationships easy? Have they ever been easy? Have they ever been a cakewalk?

Most of us know that the answers to these questions is a ‘No‘. Anyone who says otherwise does not live in the real world. The intricacies of any relationship are shown quite accurately in the movies. The part where people fall in love is portrayed quite well. But the dynamics after that; showing that, is not only difficult but also impossible. The parts not only get complicated but there is no standard combination to this.

Every relationship has its own music and its own audience. No one else can do a tango for those two. No matter what the relation is, there will always be a mix of emotions and problems associated to it. There are different names to different kinds of relationships. Parents, sibling, friends, lovers, partners, spouses etc. The more the number of people the more the dynamics, leading to conflicts.

Amongst all the fights, we all will mostly remember the how one fought for a while, but never what was the fight all about. The first fight will determine if a relationship will make or break it. Anger or strong emotions have a way of expressing the suppressed feelings, expressed in words between two people. The unexpressed can be good, bad or ugly. Here the views will change, some would say, things should be expressed, while some would argue with the necessity of expression. To each their own perspective as per their experiences and values.

Conflicts, they will be a vital part of every relationship. Conflicts are a part of all relationships: Platonic, Personal, Professional and so on. Conflicts come into the picture as the perceptions of every being are different than the other one. Each one’s perception develops from their own experiences, ideologies, values, principles etc. What if today the perceptions or thoughts do not match? Does this mean that the relationship is to be given up?

The old usually advise that always come to a middle ground. Start meeting halfway. Start to compromise on somethings. Is this just to save the relationship for the society or to save the relationship for the two people? I would say this is advised for the later, i.e. to save the relationship for two people until they reach a point where their difference is incorrigible.

The conflicts will and should happen, this is already established. Now the main story begins, what happens after the conflicts? Should it be dusted under the carpet until we trapeze all over it and trip again on the same mess again and again? Or should we deal with the mess once for all to avoid dealing with the bump under the carpet again and again.

The millennials of this generation, as per my observations has time to do many things, other than the important. In our list of priorities relationships take a back seat. We neither need them nor do we perceive them as a necessity. Even somewhere at the back of our mind, we know that we are wrong; yet we keep up our stride. It is not the relation that we fear, it is the dependency which we develop for each other. The concept of having to give up or let someone do something for us is scary now. Also, putting in efforts for someone whilst not to expecting anything in return, this too is difficult. These days we make plans for ourselves and only for us. There is rarely a scope for someone else in that.

At times, it is okay to revisit the fight, let the other person take care of the other one. The show of care and love is necessary no matter how much we grow up. After that, both together can take a breath and start together again. Is it easier? I know and have experienced that its easier said than done.

As I aged, I concluded that no fight is ever bigger than the other person. We make it big, because of the strong emotional turmoil we feel at that point of time; making the other person feel quite unworthy that they have no choice but to leave. What are we left with? Fighting with ourselves, trying to desperately find a reason to blame the other for the fault of one’s own.

Concluding this as, fights or disagreements as I will say are going to be constant companions. But with age, time and experience; people will change, their reactions towards us will change. In such cases, let people take time out and find a way to talk to each other. They might just realize that their disagreement is about nothing: only leading to a confusion of unnecessary complicated exchange of words. Let us all try to fix whatever we can, with the other take it ahead a little every day, reaching to a new level of strength with which both can build with each other. Let us all take a step towards the possibilities today.

              As per know from my earlier blog that I moved out to a new city. Thinking sarcastically ‘This blog should not turn into my autobiography’. People and acquaintances around me are gushing with their best wishes and congratulating me for my new venture. What no one understands the underlying inhibitions and apprehensions, the overnight thinking and the longing to be back home while deciding if this would be the best move. We all assume that getting out of the comfort zone and taking up a new adventure will give us intelligence existing in the entire world; this is what generally the take away a third person gives out. But is it really what happens? Is this the best way to learn about life? Is this the only way to understand the world and the ways of the world?

              Do not look at me and assume that I have the answers to all of this, I am just a blogger after all. Going back, yes, I did get a new job. After weighing my pros and cons I finally decided to move on to this place. So now what next? No idea, this thought haunts me. To start from the beginning first came in the house hunt as we all need a roof on our heads. Finding a house specially which resembles to home is quite daunting task, but once you get it we have won half of the battle.

              Once the strenuous task was done, the next stage of making the house a home is even more difficult than it seems. I was in the mindset to take the necessities and get it done with. But my mother had other plans and was determined to send out so many things for the new house. I was resistant earlier, but then I recalled something which a friend once had told me, “Ghar ghar jaisa lagna chahiye bhale uss main ek adami rahe ya parivar”. It means that a house should always be felt like home; It might be for one person or a family. After a lot of arguing and logical reasoning I understood that once you mother makes up her mind then there is no going back. She makes sure to give you everything she has and a little more.

              Now I have a house, all the things required for a house. Thanks to my parents who help me setup everything that house is now a home, A beautiful home. A place which reminds me of my own home and makes sure that I am not stranded on the streets but am safe and sound in a warm cozy apartment of mine. As per the blog title you would say what and how is this all relevant to what all has been typed so far. Let me see if I can connect the dots, the mind set of a person to accept change is extremely difficult. The mind is in a dilemma and then reaches into high state of confusion making it impossible for the mind to record the pros and cons for any decision. It is clouded with a ton of emotions, questions, uncertainty and much more. This is all about the mind. Trust me when I say that this is just one part of it.

              Here comes the main part, Money or Monetary Matters. We are taught since our very childhood that money is not that important and should never be considered important. I wont comment regarding the relevance of this statement as relocation to any city or country takes a huge toll in all possible ways. Money being one of the vital aspects which can be managed but not ignored. When one decides to move out of their comfort zone the motivating factor is mostly money. To get the motivational money you must invest even more money. Strange logic isn’t it, yet true. You explain this logic through a series on Netflix people will make gifs and forward it. But you write it in a blog, you will get eye rolls. Raising money is not the issue, the issue begins when people take the other person for granted and do not return the money. This has happened with us all of us at least once in our lifetime. Hence its said, Money Does Matter.

              The last part is the Other Matters, here is the perceptions of people and the free advices they give assuming we need them. How does it help us? It practically is not a help and adds to the existing chaos. Meeting up expectations of others is a rigorous and never-ending task. It is something we all put up with. Of course, if you are a girl and you do not put up with it, then its even more alarming, isn’t it? The perceptions and assumptions regarding my movement to the city were surprising, here are a few examples:

1. Good that you are moving, Pune is becoming crowded day by day. Hello Lady! Are you aware of the famous Bangalore traffic? Trust me when I tell you that it takes me 1.25 hours to reach my office when it is just 8 kms away from my home
2. You might want to get away from the people here. Who people? Why I want to leave everyone I know and move into a city where I barely know someone *me rolling my eyes
3. My own mother, you must be wanting to stay away from us to experience freedom. Again, the drumroll with my eye roll. Why will I want to spend on rent, transport, food, electricity and many other things in a new city when I was comfortable in my own city

There are many more such free ka fundas which I got over a period of my move. This led me to conclude that talking to people can be hazardous at times.

So far this much for this time. Will write a little more next time. Until then, enjoy!

              The 21^st century millennial, that is what we are proud to call ourselves. We claim to be the luckiest lot who seem to have enjoyed both the worlds. We have played & seen the outside world when we were young while seen the face of technology when we were stepped out into this big bad world.

              We see many memes these days where people are shown chained to the technology. We agreed, some disagree, some name it as lifestyle while some name it a necessity. Amongst all the reasons there is something even more sinful we are walking into; Limiting our Capabilities in the name of technology or automation or something not being required. Yes, I understand the eye rolls I got after reading this line. Conclusion, another girl talking against technology while using technology to tell it as well. 😊

We lately are so busy rushing between time zones; falling in and out of relationships; trying to deal with loneliness; give names to the casual relationships we keep to not feel the pinch of being lonely; satisfying our Ego by mentioning the profiles we have at work and lastly undermining others as we are not happy with what we are today. Sounds familiar? Maybe yes, maybe no. Some agree some disagree to the core.

I get this a lot from people around me, “You do not know what you are! There is a lot if hidden potential in you”. I often wonder, what does this person want from me and push that thought aside. I never have given this statement any consideration that there might be something in me and maybe that something is either not explored or is undermined. We all would have heard this more than once I am sure, but at least once in every year specially during yearly and mid yearly appraisals.

Come to think of it, we all do pretend to know ourselves too well and to reach to conclusions with our abilities without even once giving it a try. I always thought I had stage fear. Even during those school events I used to be glad to stand in the back and be invisible. Thankfully, I was tall enough to easily get the permission to stand in the last row. But today when my school mates see me, I am no longer the girl I was. These days I take trainings and open forum sessions where I talk for hours making sure that people not sleep off while I let on my narcissistic drone. Kidding, the moral of the story is that I never would have pictured me doing this had you asked me all of this in school. I changed for better and for worse that only time will tell.

This incident made me think about the restrictions we put onto ourselves. Come to think of it, all we are taught in our entire growing years is about all the things we should not be doing. I understand the immoral or incorrect values which might be harmful to the others; but the others. These days in the corporate world we have something called the ‘Trust Workshop’ where we must fall back freely on the people standing behind us, hoping for them to catch us. They always catch us, I know this, yet I cannot make myself freely. I accept that over a period I have now lost the ability to keep blind faith on people. Maybe too many backstabbing and such experiences; but I am still carrying it forward thinking everyone is the same. Injustice? Stupid? Maybe yes, maybe no. We can easily reason or judge or about people. One of the worst gifts a person has taken up for themselves in the name of responsibilities.

The ‘Restrictions’ let us get back to that, I think I provide too much information to you guys while writing. So rather than learning how to break our limitations and bondages or fears, we cling onto them more labeling them as need not to be tested or crossed over or even attempted. We all have come here with a purpose to enhance ourselves more, in all possible dimensions. But all we do is exist under dire circumstances and then blame life for the things not going our way.

The gurus these days say things quite accurately, all we do is say and complain but do not anything to change it. We are so used to being in our comfort zone even if it is not working out rather specially when it is not working out. Moving towards change is something we have never learnt, nor we wish to learn. We grew up understanding how to maintain boundaries that somewhere we have forgotten to break them in order to achieve something which might seem like a miracle but is something which is easily possible for each and everyone one of to achieve.

We all now sit in a glass cage which is unlocked. We do not even try to break it nor do we try to rattle the cage and open it. What am I doing about it? I am sneaking out of the cage once in a while to explore the world. So far, I liked what I saw. Any complaints, obviously, but then are not we an unsatisfied generation.

‘Wo’Man, I am purposefully saying it this way, to deliberately sound like a feminist… (I am just kidding). The Word Woman has many perceptions and assumptions built around it. Presumptions are not limited to Men alone, they are from the same gender as well. When we say a Wo-Man specially on Woman’s Day; it sounds like Wonder Woman on such occasions. It might be true it might be not, this is and always be debatable.

Since Vedic ages, each of our cultures have Goddesses in them who have played vital roles in developing civilizations, continuing the tradition until today. We are witnesses of this world, watching women excel in leadership in roles in most prominent fields like Defence, Foreign Relationships, Arts & Literature, Medical and much more.

Here today I stand in front of you, to represent Woman and to put forward my life in front of you. This I do not know will help me today or not. However, this hopefully should help the future generations where hopefully equality will prosper.

Women are often portrayed either Strong or Weak or a Mother, a Sister, a Friend, a Girlfriend, Wife and much more. But instead of all this could we just consider her a Human for a while. Just not wander off to conclusions and mark territories or lines of demarcations for her. Define her role within her own Life, Office, Home and many other places. 

No matter what age, role, responsibility they play in today’s time, the fact remains that they are still invisible in this world. Their contributions are recognized only of those special days. Their existence is appreciated only in terms to be spoken in some speech, by someone, someday.

I am not here to claim, dictate or preach anything about how we are treated, what should be done, what can be done, if I even want to be noticed or just disappear into the crowd. I stand here just to say that I am a human after all. No matter what happens tomorrow or any other day I exist for myself and those alike me. I strive for myself and those alike me. I do not ask for permissions, freedom, space and all. All I request you is to take a step back and let me breathe and just be me. A woman that I am, let me learn to cherish myself first. Only then, maybe then, I would expect the same from the world. Hopefully someday, no woman in the future would have to take a stand in front of everyone to define herself and seek permission to be just herself and nothing more or nothing less.