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Keep Swapping Until You Find the Right

We have come across a long way from the way one perceives relationships. The needs changed, priorities changed, requirements changed, the medium of match making changed and so on.

There was a mythological era where the royals used to have ‘Swayambar’ in order to get their daughters married. This would be a gathering of suitors, where each of them would demonstrate their skill set in order to woo the bride. When the bride used to choose one of the suitors present in the court, then with her father’s permission the wedding used to take place bringing the bride home with honor. Here, the word honor played a huge role. Along with the word of honor, the blessing from parents were also important. We have seen the fall of dynasties when the words of commitment were broken only leading to a war or destruction.

Ram Rajya where Lord Ram left his kingdom and throne in order to keep his father’s promise. On the other hand, we had Draupadi, who had to accept 5 men as her husbands in order to keep Kunti’s word.

The super beings then moved on and humans began to evolve from the apes. We evolved into a different species with each generation in passing. Knowing and reading the stories of how things used to be, the traditions followed. Woo the girl, then take the father’s permission and get the bride home with respect and make sure to protect her honor till the last breath. This too was followed until the mankind came to the 80s & 90s.

This was a different decade where every parent thought that their children do not have brains and started fixing things as per their social status. There was also a flip side to this, the younger generation however had discovered the existence of hormones. While the elder tried to make business deals out of marriage, the younger ones fell in love with someone exactly opposite to them and eloped.

There was another side to this decade where we actually had one irritating loud pitched aunty telling us the kids now have become of age and they also have someone in mind for them. This is something thing we can also watch on Netflix. You can cringe all you want but the series ‘Indian Matchmaking’ has hit a nerve here.

This generation was either completely loud and committed where two people were in love and had equal say. The other side was the submissive wife to a husband where she was expected to be non-existent. So, the equality and respect were quite conditional in this decade.

The previous generation showed us the submissive side of relationships. I will not say that this was the case of every couple, but most of them had patriarchal roots in it.

Now we have a set of new millennial’s who love being alone. We neither have an opinion nor we try to give an opinion about the people around us. We recognize the need for companionship yet we keep swiping on the dating sites. We are now a confused generation who fears dying alone, yet even more scared to let someone into our homes. We watch, flirt, talk, sing, dance and sleep. The new day begins with the routine and the next weekend, the hunt begins again. This is fairly a routine. Fear won, confusion won, but we lost. Our heart wants someone, but the mind reminds us of freedom. So, we now prefer to swipe left and right, only trying to find one who is right.

Our generation has no time and patience to be in a relationship. We do not know how to fix the broken. Get a new one to replace the broken is the only thing we understand. In this entire charade, we forgot that we are all evolving humans. We change a little every day. Someone we swiped right on the dating apps might not be right for us. The right partner is never right, we grow together being right for each other. Here, we change and adapt for each other. People might call it using a harsher term ‘Compromise’. But is it really a compromise? Or it is an adjustment for our own mental peace.

I had a discussion with someone saying that someone who is on the dating apps is not looking for a relation and hence giving time to someone on these apps is pointless. But my argument was how is this site different from the matrimonial sites? Not always do we have to hook up for physical needs. Don’t we all need someone who has the same intellectual wavelength with whom we can share ideas or feelings. Or maybe, find a go to person, with whom we can be completely honest and yet not be feared for being judged. Just find that one person who matches our madness.

Let us not swipe people with a set of expectations. What if you met them for a hook-up but turned out that they are really funny? Why ruin the thing with only one possibility? Can’t we just find a flow and then decide the hard stop for us? What if something which we might cringe about is something the other one can easily change or not do around us. What if they never even realized a habit they had until we told them about it? They can stop and find something else to do if they care enough. I am sure they can, and they will.

This one time let us meet for another couple of weekends and then decide if we are to call it quits on the ongoing game. The only thing which we make our currently bleak looking future quite colorful is hope. Let us hang on it and making plans for the same. In this, unknowingly, we look forward hearing from the same person repeatedly.

Some might ask, what If they do not comeback. Well, remember the weekend, when we were going to go to the app to try again!!!! We get back to the search again.

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