The title itself might give you an idea of the article, isn’t it? A few questions before I move ahead with what I wish to share. Relationships, easier written than worked upon isn’t it? Are Relationships easy? Have they ever been easy? Have they ever been a cakewalk?
Most of us know that the answers to these questions is a ‘No‘. Anyone who says otherwise does not live in the real world. The intricacies of any relationship are shown quite accurately in the movies. The part where people fall in love is portrayed quite well. But the dynamics after that; showing that, is not only difficult but also impossible. The parts not only get complicated but there is no standard combination to this.
Every relationship has its own music and its own audience. No one else can do a tango for those two. No matter what the relation is, there will always be a mix of emotions and problems associated to it. There are different names to different kinds of relationships. Parents, sibling, friends, lovers, partners, spouses etc. The more the number of people the more the dynamics, leading to conflicts.
Amongst all the fights, we all will mostly remember the how one fought for a while, but never what was the fight all about. The first fight will determine if a relationship will make or break it. Anger or strong emotions have a way of expressing the suppressed feelings, expressed in words between two people. The unexpressed can be good, bad or ugly. Here the views will change, some would say, things should be expressed, while some would argue with the necessity of expression. To each their own perspective as per their experiences and values.
Conflicts, they will be a vital part of every relationship. Conflicts are a part of all relationships: Platonic, Personal, Professional and so on. Conflicts come into the picture as the perceptions of every being are different than the other one. Each one’s perception develops from their own experiences, ideologies, values, principles etc. What if today the perceptions or thoughts do not match? Does this mean that the relationship is to be given up?
The old usually advise that always come to a middle ground. Start meeting halfway. Start to compromise on somethings. Is this just to save the relationship for the society or to save the relationship for the two people? I would say this is advised for the later, i.e. to save the relationship for two people until they reach a point where their difference is incorrigible.
The conflicts will and should happen, this is already established. Now the main story begins, what happens after the conflicts? Should it be dusted under the carpet until we trapeze all over it and trip again on the same mess again and again? Or should we deal with the mess once for all to avoid dealing with the bump under the carpet again and again.
The millennials of this generation, as per my observations has time to do many things, other than the important. In our list of priorities relationships take a back seat. We neither need them nor do we perceive them as a necessity. Even somewhere at the back of our mind, we know that we are wrong; yet we keep up our stride. It is not the relation that we fear, it is the dependency which we develop for each other. The concept of having to give up or let someone do something for us is scary now. Also, putting in efforts for someone whilst not to expecting anything in return, this too is difficult. These days we make plans for ourselves and only for us. There is rarely a scope for someone else in that.
At times, it is okay to revisit the fight, let the other person take care of the other one. The show of care and love is necessary no matter how much we grow up. After that, both together can take a breath and start together again. Is it easier? I know and have experienced that its easier said than done.
As I aged, I concluded that no fight is ever bigger than the other person. We make it big, because of the strong emotional turmoil we feel at that point of time; making the other person feel quite unworthy that they have no choice but to leave. What are we left with? Fighting with ourselves, trying to desperately find a reason to blame the other for the fault of one’s own.
Concluding this as, fights or disagreements as I will say are going to be constant companions. But with age, time and experience; people will change, their reactions towards us will change. In such cases, let people take time out and find a way to talk to each other. They might just realize that their disagreement is about nothing: only leading to a confusion of unnecessary complicated exchange of words. Let us all try to fix whatever we can, with the other take it ahead a little every day, reaching to a new level of strength with which both can build with each other. Let us all take a step towards the possibilities today.